The Toad’s Screech

Once there was a toad that used to be a boy.  And another boy found this toad in the woods. It hopped sloppily and slowly so it was easy for the boy to catch.  The boy picked it up and it screeched horridly. The boy thought it was so ugly and it made such a horrid sound that it should not live and he threw it as hard as he could against a tree trunk and the toad was splattered to bits.  

As the boy walked home along the path, though, a witch appeared from out of the dead leaves.  And her face was as ugly as a toad’s but she sang a melody that wiggled its way inside him. The beauty of her song made the boy see that he had been unfair and unkind judging life in such a trivial way. He pleaded for forgiveness on his knees in the mud. She had seen this before and dismissed his plea as a lame attempt to squirm out of her grasp.

But this witch was ugly in her thirst for punishment rather than forgiveness since she became addicted to the cycle of revenge. She had learned to savor punishment as her only reward for how the villagers treated her. Besides, the toads also made for a great stew sometimes.

When she tried to turn him into a toad, the spell ricocheted off of the boy’s genuine remorse, bounced off a few trees, and came back to strike her right between the eyes. Her flesh turned inward as she shrank into an actual toad. The boy thought it best to leave the toad alone this time so he went home and swore to never hurt another creature in that way again.

The witch flopped around in the mud, and struggled to hide in the dead leaves. Soon enough, another boy came wandering in the woods. She struggled to sing her sweet song to lure the boy into helping her but it came out as a screech the boy squished with his boot.

The Spoiled Brat

Once there was a prince who was the most spoiled prince of all. When the king would not give him one thing that he wanted, it would be the first and last time because the prince did not know how spoiled he was since the king had spoiled him so completely.

But somehow the prince had a gut feeling that the king might say “no,” so he asked for his wish in front of the entire kingdom. And the one time the king put his foot down, it felt like an elephant’s foot stepping on a pampered pup and the audience witnessed his little beating heart pop out of his little spoiled puppy dog chest.

All the innocent prince had wanted was to house the poor and sick in their castle in order to care for them as a member of their own family. The kingdom heard the prince’s wish and cheered for his charity and felt his love in their hearts with his spoiled request.

This made the king so irate that he called his son a spoiled brat before all of his subjects and in that moment the king looked like the most spoiled brat of all to his entire kingdom. It was as if his own son had split him in half with a sharp diamond-edged sword. One half his self-image made by him wobbled at the other image of him made by his kingdom. Caught between the betrayal of his son and his kingdom and his own betrayal of them drove the king mad. The prince thereby ascended the throne and became a king who spoiled the poor and sick until they were neither anymore.

I wrote this tale because “spoiled” is such a loaded word. Call someone spoiled and it is extremely offensive. But it also has this boomerang effect. For example, parents who spoil their children seem to be prone to calling their children spoiled. Or politically-minded people seem to thrive on the idea that their opponents are the spoiled ones, while their opponents think the same of them. Spoiled people do not think they are spoiled but are quick to point out someone who is more spoiled than they. Lastly, the word can have a pleasurable connotation. When you spoil a child or a pet rotten and they exhibit spoiled behavior at you who spoiled them, you can get this feeling where anger at being taken for granted crosses its wires with your absolute devotion for what you love and the result fills the chest and flares the nostrils with a certain joyous mischief.

A Cracker of Truth

Once there was a deranged warrior who swung his mace across his own land since there were no more wars to fight in other lands. Drunk on his power, he asked anyone who crossed his path if they saw what he saw and if they could not say what was exactly on his mind he would swing his mace and smash their heads clean off. He asked anyone young or old, small or big, and dispatched thousands of them in this way. The thing that was on his mind was always the same exact thing: if I am not you and you are not me then how are we us?

    The warrior had already smashed a few heads one day when a little girl stood before him with a rigid posture that bothered him.  She looked so fragile but that rigidity scared him to think that anything powerful could be in such a little thing. He had already raised his mace so that its shadow covered her face when he asked her his question but the little girl said exactly what was on his mind and then answered his question: “silly fool, do you not see that a triangle must have three points to be a triangle at all?  You are trying to make three points into one and it’s impossible. So shame on you for killing all those people for your stupid riddle.” Clearly the warrior did not understand what she had just told him and he begged her to explain it to him so he could understand it.

The girl took a triangular cracker out of her pocket. She said she would explain it more clearly if he dropped the mace and got on his knees and ate this cracker out of her hand. So he got down to her level and put the cracker in his mouth. But it was hard as a stone and cracked a tooth. He spit it out but she told him that he had to eat it if he wanted to understand. He tried to swallow it but its triangular shape stuck in his throat and his face went red. As he choked on the cracker, the little girl told him in the most rigid voice he had ever heard, “you are not you anymore but I am still I and we are still us without you and that is the cracker of truth you couldn’t swallow.”

Barrels of Soil

Once there was a farmer whose soil was so rich that he was the envy of all other farmers and anyone who tasted his crops.  The other farmers got so sick of it that they held a meeting about what to do and came up with a plan to ruin him.  

They invited the farmer to let them buy his rich soil at a profit to him that was at a price the farmer could not refuse.  He could see the dismay that his rich soil caused them and even felt sorry for them because his farm’s rich soil was a mystery to him as well.  He was just lucky and he understood how some people hate that in others while wanting it themselves. So to sweeten the pot and lessen the envy, he told the farmers that not only would he sell the soil but also deliver it to their farms.  

The farmers agreed and looked like the cat that ate the canary as he signed the contract selling soil from his property.  They were certain that they had tricked this fool into ruining his farm. All they had to do was buy enough of it over the course of the next few years.  Meanwhile they imagined that the tastiness of their crops would allow them to raise their prices again to cover the cost of the plan to ruin his farm.  

With the profit made by selling soil, he could easily hire people to dig and deliver it.  So he hired two teams. One who lived in another village where he knew the other farmers did not go and he purchased property there.  That team dug up the earth and filled barrel after barrel with soil from that property. He hired another team to deliver the barrels.    

Years passed by and the farmers still received as many barrels of soil as they asked for.  The farmer had the team who delivered the barrels do so with a magical sounding chant that actually had no effect other than to make the farmers feel as if they were receiving the rich soil.  But the flavor of their crops did not improve. This was disappointing but the farmers were possessed by their plan. The idea of putting the farmer out of business by taking his soil consumed them.  

Meanwhile the farmer with the richest soil got even richer off of his crops and his sale of soil to the farmers.  He even increased his crops prices because he left a plot of his land empty to seem as if it was being used to dig the soil from for the barrels.  And the folk that bought his crops didn’t mind because they understood that he had less to sell of what everyone wanted.

As the farmers saw their profits disappear and their debts increase, they became more desperate and their suspicions finally made them hire someone to spy on the farmer’s operations.  They found out that the farmer had duped them into buying the soil from his other property. They took the farmer to their local court and explained the rich farmer’s plot to take advantage of them.  To which, the local court asked the rich farmer to explain himself.

The farmer simply produced the document the farmers signed and it stated that they would pay the amount agreed upon for soil from his property.  Then he proceeded to produce another paper that proved ownership of the land that he purchased and gave them soil from. Unfortunately, the local court could not process such evidence because it was a court made up of locals with many ties to the other farmers and their families.  A few were even family.  

Upon destroying the documents the other farmers claimed had been forged, the local court came to the conclusion that the farmer had in fact duped the other farmers and had caused them such economic hardship that his farm would have to serve as collateral.  So they divided up the farm and finally enjoyed the profits from that land. Nor did they seem to care about how they had tried to ruin him and were angry at him for trying to dupe them in return. It was as if he should’ve known to just hand over his land.

The farmer went home to the property he had bought in that other village.  The soil had been dug out to sell to the farmers so deeply that the farmer was worried about how to restore the land to produce the best possible crops.  But then, he noticed the entry to a long forgotten tomb whose treasures made him wealthier than he could’ve been as a farmer. This spoiled the short-lived victory of the other farmers who now envied him more than before and feared him even more every day that he did not collect on his revenge.  

The farmer waited for years until the other farmers assumed he had forgotten about them.  The old team visited each farmer with a cart of barrels. The farmers were put in a barrel one by one and rolled down into the tomb.  Sealed and buried, the farmers only broke out of their barrels to spend their last days alive stuck in the tomb yearning for a revenge they would never have.  And the farmer went out in the pouring rain to relish this scenario going on under his feet. As he squished the mud between his toes in glee at his revenge, a lightning bolt struck him dead on the spot.